Healthy Conflict - Engaging in Productive Discussion With Your Partner
You've probably heard the expression, "You can't have a little sunshine without a little rain" before. This can be used for almost anything in life, especially when it comes to relationships. No matter if you and your partner are perfect for one another, two peas in a pod, the salt to their pepper, etc., there's a good likelihood you two will fight, bicker, or argue over something from time to time. You have to experience the bad times to appreciate the good times. Conflict doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship isn't good or healthy. It just means that you're working on some things to improve your relationship and your communication moving forward.
Even during tough conversations, healthy conflict is possible. Here's how to engage in a productive discussion with your partner.
Don't Let Things Build
If you have a problem, you should try to address it sooner rather than later. For one, your partner may not realize there's an issue. If they're not aware, they're likely to repeat the situation that made you angry in the first place without even realizing it. This means that how you feel will start to build over time. It's better to deal with situations when they happen instead of sitting on those feelings and letting them turn into a larger issue.
Don't Play the Blame Game
Consider the way you phrase things during a conversation. When you say things like "you did this" or "you made me feel this way," it can be easy for your partner to go into defense mode. Try to take ownership of your feelings instead. Saying things like "I didn't like when you did this" or "I feel this way" can be a great way for your partner to better understand where you're coming from.
Listen and Give Feedback
Speaking your mind is great, but listening is just as important. A conversation involves both parties being able to speak their mind and hear the other person out. Listening doesn't mean that you're trying to plan what you're going to say next. Make sure you're actively listening and trying to understand what your partner is saying to you. You'd want the same from them when you're speaking, so makes sure you're showing them the same amount of respect.
You can show your partner you're truly listening through your body language, as well as verbally, during the right times, of course! Make sure you're facing your partner directly with no distractions. This means turning off the TV and putting both of your phones away. Nodding your head is a great way to show you're actively listening. Verbal statements like "I see where you're coming from," "I hear you," or also asking for further clarification are also all great ways to show that you're trying to see things from their perspective.
Try Couples Therapy
Couples therapy can be a great way to get you and your partner back on the same page again. A therapist can work with you both together or separately depending on your specific wants and needs from the therapy sessions. Sometimes, all you need is an outside third party to help you both see things more clearly again.
If you're interested in strengthening your relationship and communication through couples therapy, make sure you don't wait until it's too late. A lot of couples often wait until they're unhappy before reaching out for help. Try to be proactive because couples therapy isn't just for people who are having issues. If you're interested in learning more about couples therapy, especially when it comes to communicating through conflicts, reach out today to set up a consultation.
